There are many factors that stop progress in life, and self-doubt is among them. It is a psychological issue; if you suffer from it, you may be stuck where you are. Too many desires, one solid goal, but no confidence to work on it because of self-doubt. This article is all about how you can stop it and regain your self-confidence.
A brief story: Why to overcome self-doubt
Once I decided to host a school function (cultural program). All my close friends supported me to do so because they wanted to see me standing and speaking on the stage. I have good communication skills, but I had never spoken in front of many people; however, I approved the proposal.
When I came home, my mind changed suddenly. I imagined that program. I am standing in front of many people, speaking loudly on the mic, and everyone is staring at me and listening to me carefully.
No, I can’t do that, no. I can’t do that because I have not done it before. They will laugh at me if I make a minor mistake. What if I fall on the stage, being nervous? What if I forget what to say? I will feel insulted. All these thoughts ran through my mind. All thoughts were negative.
The next day, I decided not to take part. My friend did it and got a big award.
I got the same opportunity after 6 years in University. But this time, I did not step back. Yes, the same thought killed my interest for a while, but I collected the courage not to give up.
I did well, not perfect, but well. Better than expected.
Do you know what happened after that?
I get rewards and respect. I get to know many friends. My fear of public speaking disappeared. I feel confident and at my best. I learned something practically, which I always wanted to learn.
During school days, self-doubt stopped me from being rewarded. When I fought with it, I got a valuable memory.
Why do you have doubt on yourself?
Self-doubt is the mental condition in which your mind and heart stop functioning positively. It becomes wet with poisonous thoughts. These thoughts make you mentally weak. Don’t ask me how weak? You may feel hesitant to go outside without wearing a mask.
You start to doubt your personality, physical appearance, and mental energy.
Based on my experience, these are the two reasons why you doubt yourself:
1. Your Abilities were never trusted from childhood.
The secret behind confidence is security, and security comes from a genuine relationship. Also, appreciation from near and dear also boosts confidence.
Confidence means you are happy. And according to a survey, happy people can perform 10x more than unhappy people.
But the child became the victim of self-doubt, who didn’t get proper assistance at an early age, always got a toxic environment, his minor decisions were always underestimated, and left unheard.
The child lost all his confidence due to a toxic environment. It requires time for him to heal. I think he doesn’t heal until he is in a healthy and supportive environment.
Additionally, dependent people have self-doubt issues.
For example, if all decisions are made by your parents, spouse, or close friends, your mind loses the capacity to think. That comfort destroys all the power.
You are living in such a comfort zone that others are doing everything for you. Such as doing shopping for you, selecting a spouse for you, and choosing a college for you. I mean, you are not using your mind, but living in their way.
Although you are safe now, you may face difficulty later. When you have to take responsibility for yourself. When you have to make a significant decision for yourself. In that time, you will face consistent self-doubt.
Anyway, both the highly toxic and reserved environment in childhood and teenage years can make you a victim of self-doubt as an adult.
2. You accepted something negative.
“You are useless. “This happened because of you. I wish you had never come into my life.”You are a loser and will remain one forever. “Can’t you do it? A child can do it.” “You look ugly”. “Even a child can do that. “I am not proud of you”. “You ruined my life”. “You are evil.”
These kinda comments you might have heard once in your life from your near and dear. I am counting Social Media as well.
These words sound normal, but work like a slow poison.
Until and unless someone makes you feel like this, you remain healthy and confident. But frequent attacks create self-doubt, which becomes hard to stop later.
Due to these negative comments from loved ones, society, and social media, you start to think you are the same person they said.
Because you accepted that, yes, I am. Really, are you? I don’t think. You are the best. They didn’t comment on you but revealed their own reality. But you accepted. Now you feel hesitation to initiate. You start to isolate yourself because you think that if my near and dear have such a bad opinion about me, how have other people been judging me till now?
How to overcome self-doubt and progress in life?
Yes, self-doubt may not let your life move on; you will see no progress. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Here is something you can do to completely remove the shadow of self-doubt from your mind:
1. Don’t let your Heart Accept Negativity.
Do you know what your problem is? You are very sensitive and take everything personally. If someone says you are ugly, you doubt your beautiful face. If someone blames you, you accept that you were the reason.
People can easily manipulate you, saying negative things about you.
But when you learn to ignore negative things, from that day, self-doubt will stop attacking you.
How can you ignore negative things then?
Listen and ignore… People don’t say bad things about you, but reflect their own hidden weaknesses.
If someone told you are mindless and useless, in reality, he himself is that type of person. If someone says you are ugly, it means he himself has inner insecurity about his appearance.
Therefore, take every negative comment lightly. Instead of taking it personally, try to respond accordingly.
2. Do your internal analysis and try again.
Once, a guy was bathing. He had earrings. Someone came and told him, ‘Watch out, the crow took your earrings. Instead of checking his own ear first, that boy ran to catch the crow. He was tired, sat on the stone, and touched his ear. Earrings are hanging in the ears.
The same thing happens in life. People may have different opinions and perceptions about you. Some may motivate you, and some may try to take your motivation down. Some may count your flaws.
But it is your responsibility to check your internal capacity first.
Don’t lose your self-confidence if somebody makes you feel negative; don’t doubt yourself because you are the only person who knows ‘who you are’.
If you think you are good, then you are good. If you think you can do it, then you can surely do it. No need to take external validation.
3. Don’t be attached to a Toxic Environment.
A toxic environment is like a drug addiction. Once you fall in it, you die every day. You seek validation to escape.
You will be manipulated in such a way that;
Neither will you escape that easily, nor will you have satisfaction after escaping.
Most of the time, people survive a toxic environment without getting positive validation. This is the reason why you still have self-doubt.
A toxic environment is created when there is an ungrateful person. Whatever you do for them, they are never satisfied; instead, they will point out your flaws and blame you. No appreciation, no love, no affection, no good vibes, only responsibilities that never end.
A toxic environment is created when you are punished frequently with harsh behaviour. In this situation, you don’t get any guide, any assistance, only rudeness.
This situation makes you mentally ill; over time, you may start to doubt your existence. Am I human? Don’t I get hurt? Why don’t they understand my effort? Am I that weak? What should be done to get credit for my effort?
But let me suggest to you. Yes, you are human, but you are living in hell, where you will never get any credit. Therefore, pack your bag and get out of it. Whether it is your home, relationship, or friendship.
4. Trust me, not everyone has the same opinion about you.
Do you know sometimes what happens? We relate our experience to another.
For example, a failed person is afraid to try again because he thinks that he will fail again. A person who is mocked by someone hesitates to show himself in the circle.
For example, if someone told you this and that negatively, you would doubt that everyone has the same opinion about me.
But that is not true.
Since you are a human with many flaws. You may be a villain in someone’s story for a reason, but that doesn’t mean others will consider you a villain. There might be a reason for being a bad character in someone’s story.
One or two people may have a bad opinion about you, but that doesn’t mean all are against you.
So, avoid relating your past experience to a new one if you really want to stop self-doubt and progress in life.
5. Practice believing in yourself.
Believing in one’s own stamina, skill, and ability is the greatest mantra to overcome self-doubt.
Imagine for a while, you have everything: mind, heart, and a healthy body. You are creative; you have thousands of ideas to make a prosperous life. If you want, you can achieve anything in your life, but the problem is that you don’t trust your own abilities.
When you doubt in your own strength and resources, then you can’t do anything properly. Therefore, don’t train your brain ‘I can’t do it’, rather train it this way ‘if they can do it, I can’.
Don’t let others control your productive brain. Also, don’t let others pollute your mindset, ideas, and skills.
Accept that it is your responsibility to utilize them and become a donor.
If you keep doubting yourself, you will find yourself a beggar one day.
6. Share with someone
If your self-doubt issue is intolerable. For example, you like to isolate yourself, lose all motivation in everything, have an intense fear of public opinion, and zero confidence. This is the time to share the reason for this issue with someone who is mature enough to understand you.
First, figure out why you suffer from self-doubt or why you are losing confidence in your purpose. Then find someone who has overcome this problem or someone near and dear to you.
Then share how exactly you feel. Tell them your untold story.
It may help you to regain your self-confidence and progress in your purpose.
In conclusion
You must stop self-doubt as soon as possible to achieve what you have expected from your life. Anyway, it is just a psychological issue that you can solve by following the given tips in this article.
Most of the solutions lie within you; no need to seek external validation. Also, I don’t think it is a permanent issue. But if you ignore this issue, your life may become hell in the coming days.
Therefore, try to be strong because nobody is going to fulfill your responsibility for free. Nobody will help you if you are worthless. Therefore, ignore others’ opinions, avoid taking everything seriously, accept good things, and throw out toxic things.
People judge you positively until you judge yourself positively. Remember this.
Keep Shining! Have a Good Day!
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