A human being is a social animal. If socially isolated, one finds it difficult to survive. This is the situation where the act of seeking validation from others starts, which you want to stop. And the big question is whether it is easy.
What is the meaning of seeking validation?
Let me explain to you, through examples, what it means to seek validation.
First Example;
A person decided to rob somewhere. But, he didn’t have enough dare to do so. So, he told another person about the idea to get some courage. That person told him, ‘It is a good idea. Do it, do it. That person did it.
Second Example;
There was a couple in deep love who wanted to get married. But, it was intercaste love. So, neither society nor family accepted that relationship. And finally, they decided to separate.
Third Example;
A person wanted to start a business and shared his plan with his near and dear ones. That business was not related to his degree. So, he got a mixed response. Positive response from external people and negative from internal(Family). That person is still confused about whether to continue the plan.
I hope you got some ideas from these examples.
Everyone wants somebody who loves and appreciates them and their actions. They want to validate most of the activities from other people. If others are happy, the plan goes on; otherwise, confusion and hopelessness.
Searching for validation means you want others’ permission to start, to adjust your identity in society, and to prove that you are doing something ethically. If that is not ethical, you are proving it is your compulsion.
Some people want validation from family members and relatives, some from society, the opposite gender, God, and from social media. And there may be someone who seeks from everywhere.
Is it good to seek validation?
In one sense, yes, seeking validation from others is good, but you must stop it for every action.
It is good because doing so helps to connect more people with you. Validator becomes part of your journey. If something goes wrong, you will have some backup support in the future because they approved you. Also, validated actions give a sense of security. You do it without worrying much. If you often seek validation, it means you are a social person who cares for everyone. It also means you want love, affection, attention, and care from others.
But, But, But…
If you validate every action from everyone, then it is not good. It is something like selling your happiness to earn temporary emotional support. It means that you are adding unnecessary people to your personal life. And when you exchange all your actions for validation, you lose freedom.
Taking too much validation also proves that you are in these conditions:
- No leadership ability to initiate alone
- Feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness
- Seek back support in every situation.
- Your happiness lies in others.
- You are lonely from the inside.
Why do some people seek too much validation from outside?
There are several reasons why people want validation from the external environment(Society and Social Media):
(i) Hunger for attention
Some people are too obsessed with others’ attention. They share everything with others to know their opinions. Even they share their personal and family matters with outsiders. They do so for attention and to validate if they are doing well or badly.
Also, they seek external validation for a sense of belonging from others, sympathy, and to avoid criticism. They want to tell others that whatever is happening in my life is for a reason and appreciate me for whatever I am doing.
The child who is dear to the whole community becomes a validation-seeking adult. Not only does a child who was never heard, appreciated, and emotionally supported turn the same. An appreciated child wants to retain the appreciation, and an unappreciated one wants to be heard.
(ii) Feeling of being alone and ignored
You might see that the more popular a person is, the more validation he seeks. You may see celebrities, politicians, and social people often want to validate themself through social media or society. Also, the person who has been living in a large family does this too much.
They don’t want to lose that community and followers by making self-centered decisions. They want to gauge public opinion so they can continue without worry. Doing this, secure from being ignored and alone.
(iii) Lack of confidence
Another reason why you seek external validation is a lack of self-confidence and a feeling of worthlessness. Due to confusion about what is right and wrong, self-doubt, and fear of being judged.
You always perceive others as superior and intelligent while devaluing your own capacity. Shall I marry? Shall I do this? I have done this, is it good? Someone told this bad thing about me, but I am not. Do you also see me in the same way?
Is it easy to stop seeking validation from others?
Yes, you can stop seeking validation from others and social media by developing self-confidence, trusting yourself and realizing these things:
1. Too Much Take away your freedom.
Before you want validation for something, try to know its side effects. Initially, you may feel better, but later you may feel you are in control of others. It becomes like a habit.
Slowly, you will become a person who can’t initiate anything without approval. Many people will be connected to your personal life, and you may lose all your freedom. It will be hard for you to concentrate on your happiness and well-being.
2. You can’t be a nice guy forever.
Yes, taking approval from others means you want to prove yourself a nice guy. Being nice is okay, but how long can you do so? If you fail or go off track by mistake, you may feel guilt and shame.
If you really want to be nice, work silently, share a portion of the surplus with others, and don’t expect anything from others. Be nice, but don’t prove that you are nice through words.
3. Always makes you dependent mentally.
It is okay to be dependent until your teenage years, but after that, you must try to become strong and independent. Validation-seeking people, however, can never become fully independent.
Since you take emotional support using validation, later you may feel like you have over-responsibility, too much debt to repay, and a kind of mental burden. It doesn’t let your life go its own way. Due to which you may end up being dependent forever. Most of your decisions are influenced by others.
4. You may lose the life path.
Look! You are not going to live forever, are you? Then why do you want to mix others’ opinions in your decision?
Even if your good decision doesn’t get approval, it means your action will not benefit them. People are happy for you only if they get something in return. Otherwise, you may face rejection or some criticism.
If your happiness depends upon others, and you try to live according to them, you may feel lost in life. For example, your parents want you to be a doctor, but you want to become a teacher.
5. It may damage your image.
You may think you get validation, and now everyone will take responsibility for you. That is not true. Instead, people may judge you as worthless, directionless, and try to control you. They secretly mock you and may spread rumors about you.
In conclusion
Since humans are social animals, they seek validation to get emotional assistance, connection, and a sense of belonging. It is good if done with the boundary or with near and dear only. But if you need validation from every individual from outside, then it is a big problem.
Whatever people say, the final destination of life is getting peace, security, and happiness. But most of the time, you are sacrificing your happiness to get fake attention, to make unnecessary people happy.
If you seek too much validation, your happiness disappears because you are controlled by others.
Yes, you get controlled by others.
So, it is necessary to realize all the negative consequences of seeking frequent validation, and only then can you stop it.
Love yourself, live for yourself.
3 thoughts on “How to stop seeking validation from others? Is it Easy?”